The Adventures of Miku and Mafuyu!
by Hickok
Summary: Miku and Mafuyu are trapped in the doll room together, the ghost's are cat fighting and Kirie wants Muffy. Very silly spin on the game.


**__**

The adventures of Miku and Mafuyu!

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Fatal Frame or any of its character's. I wish I owned Muffy (AKA: Mafuyu) but unfortunately I don't. 

Note: I've had this little fic tucked away at a friends place for a while now and it was only recently that I asked for it back so that I might type it up for other's enjoyment. At least, I hope that's what will come of it. Basically, this is a humorous take-off centered around Miku and Mafuyu (obviously) and the ghost's of Himuro mansion. This was written before I finished the game; so basically it's a situation that never took place in Fatal Frame, where Miku finds Mafuyu earlier on. If it has to take place at any point, I would say it center's in The Third night: The Calamity. That being said, read on and I hope you enjoy it! ^^ (Oh yeah and Muffy, for the record is very OOC. Just a fair warning for any of his fans.)

"We're not coming out you ugly ghost's!" Mafuyu Hinasaki yelled, hands clasped around his mouth forming a sort of primitive megaphone. "Just go away already!!"

"Mafuyu, would you just shut up already!" His sister Miku snapped. She wriggled her butt a little to make the cushion she was sitting on more comfortable and looked up at him sternly. "All you're doing is provoking them! They could find a way in here you know."

Mafuyu spun campily on his heel and put his hands on his hips in the manner of an egotistical child. A sort of wry smile crossed his face.

"There's no way they can get in here Miku! I've got the door and windows sealed up with crucifixes." He gestured proudly at his work; a rudimentary cross made from two floorboards propped up against the door and another smaller one wedged between the window frames. The horizontal boards were tied to the cross with the rope originally used to fence off the doll of the rope shrine maiden. She stared unhappily at them, appearing very naked without her fencing.

Miku went to retort but realized that there wasn't much point. The crosses, ridiculous as it may sound, were in fact keeping the ghost's at bay. They grumbled about outside the small candle lit room, screeching words and moaning their annoying English recorded voice tracks. But none of them could get in.

"So... this is how you survived for so long." Miku said instead, stretching her legs out and loading film into the old camera. Just in case.

Her older brother nodded enthusiastically. "Yep-uh!! I originally had it in another room but when you found me I relocated it to here. It's a lot more cheerful." One of the creepy dolls heads fell off in response. "I was thinking of shaving a cross into my hair but then I remembered how upset all my fangirls would be if I mutilated my appearance in any way."

(Author stops to wipe away a strand of drool.)

"What I don't understand is why you dropped the camera in the first place, you twit." Miku scolded, placing said object beside her on the floor and lazing out herself. "Or rather, why you didn't go back for it later on."

"I don't need it!" The twenty-two year old bragged, strutting across the room like a Calvin Klein model. "The camera's only an extension of my powers. I can kill ghosts without even actually using it. Besides, if I hadn't dropped it, the gamers would bitch that there was no fighting in the game. They already complain that you don't have a semi-automatic ghost-hunting rifle tucked into your micro-mini skirt. It really is just a case of you needing it more than me." He grinned, showing rows of straight white teeth and winning a sponsorship with Colgate. Miku was going to tell him just where he could stick the camera when the somewhat peace of the room was suddenly shattered as the Crawling Girl squeezed under the gap in the door right where Mafuyu was standing. He handled the situation very capably. 

"AAAAAAHH!!!" He shrieked, leaping atop the altar scattering candles and waving his hand at the ghost like an old woman trying to bat away a small poodle with a handbag. "Kill it, Kill it, Kill it, Kill it, KILL I~ IIITTT~~~~!!!!"

Instead of telling Mafuyu to use his own testosterone charged Calvin Klein powers to fend off the approaching giggling delinquent, as she was justified to do, Miku instead got calmly to her feet and took a few pictures, sending the ghost screeching back through the crack under the door. She chuckled quietly to herself as Mafuyu sheepishly descended the altar and scratched his head. 

"Um... I was uh... Testing your reflexes!!" He quickly bullshitted, looking around for more loose floorboards. "Guess I'll have to make a crucifix for under the door..."

"But you used up all the rope..." Miku murmured, looking about.

Mafuyu shrugged.

"Oh well. Guess I'll have to use the rope maiden's hair."

Now the doll looked sadder then ever.

Meanwhile outside, the ghosts were all gathered around in a football type-esc huddle, whispering amongst themselves. Occasionally one of them would glance over at the door and scowl. 

"Okay... since our last attempt failed abysmally, I suggest perhaps a call out." Bonded Man said finally, looking at the Crawling Girl as she sat pouting outside of the circle. "It's too dangerous to go in there while they have the camera."

"You mean taunt them?" Asked Long Arm's, whose said appendages framed the entire expanse of the huddle and nearly all the ghost's shoulders. "Would that work?"

Bonded shrugged. "It's worth a shot. It's not as though we have any other ideas right?"

The wraiths all shook their heads in unison. Girls Head sighed in exasperation, annoyed at the slow proceedings and floated into the center of the group.

"I say we go for it." She said, staring at each ghost in turn. "Kirie's not gonna give us much longer. She want's that guy _bad._"

Bonded moaned and tossed his head a little. "It's kind of outside my usual range to help that demonic multi-handed bitch with anything, but I for one can not handle hearing her sing; "Must not chase the boys" again. Therefore if she wants this Mafuyu guy, I'll happily fork him over as long as it means she'll give us some peace for the next century."

"Well... I _can _see where she's coming from and all." Blind giggled, rubbing at some of the gunk that ran down her cheeks. "He _is _pretty cute!" 

All the other wraiths stared at her oddly. Not that she could tell.

"How would you know? You're blind!" Said Running Child tactfully, crossing his arms over his decomposing little chest. Blind shrieked with indignation.

"I saw a photo!" She cried, crossing her arms and tossing her bloodied hair.

Bonded man rolled his eyes at Long Arm's. "You couldn't have seen a photo. You're BLIND! BLIND!! Any of this ringing a bell? The only time you weren't _blind _was before Mafuyu was born! Therefore it isn't possible for you to have seen a picture of him." He sighed; hoping this rational fact would sink into the deceased brain dead bimbo's cranial cavities.

The revelation did seem to cause her some discomfort; a fact that may have lead to her bursting into tears had her punctured eyes allowed it. She did sniff to constitute for it however and wipe some more gunk from her cheeks.

"You don't have to remind me, y'know?! It's not as if I can forget!" She sobbed, snuffling noisily. Long Arm's offered her a very crunchy looking handkerchief. Blind groped about for it, eventually came across his sleeves and blew her nose on that. "Thanks Long. Anyway, I doubt that any of you with the exception of Kirie perhaps, could even start to understand the horror of my death! The pain I suffered! The horror! It was so tragic and sad!"

"You got anti-dandruff shampoo in you eyes, slipped on some soap in the shower and hit your head against the tap as you went down." Floating Woman growled as she rolled her own eyes so hard it hurt. "No one believes that bullshit story about you having the blinding mask shoved over you eyes during the Demon tag ritual. We all know the truth."

"That is the truth!" Blind sobbed as Long Arm's tried to comfort her with his pointy hands. No sick jokes people. "At least _I _wasn't the one who died smoking pot! Didn't you get so high you got stuck in the rafters?"

All the ghost's laughed in unison, their high pitched series of shrieks and giggles making them sound like the recording for any Haunted train ride you've ever been on. The whole creepy mansion echoed with their laughter, blocking out Kirie's singing for the time being. This did not please Floating Woman however, who proceeded to levitate over to the giggling Blind and punch her fair in the face.

"YOU SKANKY DRESS WEARING DIPSHIT!!! I DIDN'T SMOKE POT, I WAS SUCKING THE AIR OUT OF A HELIUM BALLOON TO MAKE MY VOICE ALL SQUEAKY AND I INHALED TOO MUCH AND I FLOATED INTO SOME SPIKES THAT FOR SOME REASON HAD BEEN INTERGRATED INTO THE CEILING!!" The Floating damsel yelled at the top of her squeaky lungs. Blind shrieked as she reeled back, sporting both bleeding eyes and a bloody nose. 

"What did you do that for Floater?!" She cried, thrashing her arms about and nearly braining Broken Neck.

"Don't call me Floater either!! I'm not a flying Shit for the love of Buddha!!" FW shouted, descending behind Blind and kicking her in the rear. Blind spun in the direction of her voice and charged, grasping a hold of what she assumed to be FW's throat and throttling it.

"I'm gonna kill you, Floater!!" She snarled as she strangled the Girl's Head. FW, who had floated up out of harms way just in time, giggled from above the circle.

"I'm already dead you dip shit bint." She laughed quietly to herself. Blind spun around again and rugby tackled Running Kid to the floor, punching and scratching, blood flying all over the place.

"My friends! This is exactly what I spoke of before; our inability to function as a team and organize ourselves!" Bonded Man cried as the Girl's Head launched itself onto Blind's back and started biting it rabidly. "Think of what we could achieve if we all work together and take control of the situation!"

The shrieking and inappropriate noises continued from the corner of the room. Crawling Girl, instantly cheered up by this turn of events, took this as the perfect opportunity to burn Bonded Man.

"You're a fine one to speak of 'taking control of the situation', considering you're here with us today thanks to your wife tying you to the bed a little... 'Snuggly?'" She teased, resting her chin on her flat hands. Bonded fumed red and rounded on her furiously.

"Take a closer look at the Ghost List you little twit." He snapped, whipping up the menu screen and opening up the list to his picture. "Note that it says 'Bonded.' Not '_Bondage.' _ Geez! Where did everyone get such a ridiculous idea from anyway?"

"Idea?! It actually happened you idiot! Did dying alter your memory as well?" The girl snapped, jumping to her feet and immediately sinking through the wooden floor. "And as for the Ghost List, I wouldn't trust the translation team as far as I could spit 'em! _Bondage!!_"

"It's not Bondage you twerp! It's _Bonded! Bonded!!_" The ghost boomed, flaring up like a snake about to strike. "At least I wasn't the one who was dragged between a crack in the wall and squashed down to the size of a matchbox!"

Crawling Girl gasped. "You tactless swine! Take that back!!"

"NEVER!!" Bonded Man cried defiantly. He was bowled over as Crawling Girl launched herself at his ankles and started biting them. To defend himself he started lifting his bonded legs and slamming them down on the girl's head repeatedly.

The Long Armed man watched the drama unfold with a raised eyebrow and scratched his head.

"Hey what's going on?"

He turned to see Wandering Man and Long Haired woman floating towards the group with questioning glances at the quarreling spirits. The Long Armed man found himself blushing. It was no secret that he liked the longhaired woman and if possible would have liked to marry her and have many Long Haired and Long Armed babies together. You know if they were still alive that is. But there was no hope for them, him being a psychotic child-stealing freak whose arms had stretched to gigantic proportions when he had volunteered to be the rope in the Strangling Ritual one year and she being a model whose hair was so long that she was compelled to suck on it until she died from choking on hairball.

And you thought Romeo and Juliet had it bad!

"Um... it was Blind and Floating Woman. ...Again." LAM added, watching the two women shriek and pull each other's hair. Broken Neck was hopelessly trying to restrain the Crawling Girl who was snapping and biting like a rabid Chihuahua. "Anyway... any word from Kirie?"

Wandering Man was busy looking for large quantities of mud, so it was up to Long Hair to answer.

"She says and I quote; 'If I don't see Mafuyu, naked and covered in rose petals on my bed in an hour, I'll eat you all for lunch.'" She told him, watching as Wandering Man reappeared with a hose from the flooded room and started to spray the cat fighting specters with it. The threat of water did very little to halt the spirit's as it merely gushed right through them and soaked the walls of the doll room.

"Hold on a second..." Long Arm's said, eyeing off the peels of water that ran down the old wood and onto the floor. "I just had me a most _evil _idea..."

Miku pressed her ear to the door and listened, trying to figure out what was going on. She couldn't say for sure, but it sounded as though the ghost's were participating in some extreme mud wrestling. She looked over at Mafuyu.

"I think they're fighting." She lobotomized, displaying that astounding intelligence we all knew and loved her for in the game. Mafuyu's head was bent low as he tinkered over something in his lap that she couldn't see. Maybe she didn't want to see. "We might be able to make a break for it!"

"And go where?" Our studly Mafuyu retorted oozing fangirl appeal from every pore. "We can't get the front door open because it's 'sealed by some powerful source.' We can't jump from the balconies because it's too high up and we'll break our necks just like that ghosty. We can't break the windows and climb out because the game designers thought that would be too easy and installed bullet proof glass to eradicate the possibility."

"Well what are we supposed to do?!" Miku cried, one step away from throwing a temper tantrum. "We can't stay in here or we'll starve!!"

Both suddenly looked at one another in suspicion.

"Hmm..." Miku murmured thoughtfully.

Mafuyu quickly leapt in. "We'll get out of here before it becomes _that _desperate. Even if it did come down to that, I think I'd be more nourished eating one of these dolls rather then you."

"And what's that supposed to mean?" Asked the youngest Hinasaki, obviously offended.

"Well... look at you."

"What's that supposed to mean?!"

"Well, no offense sis but come on! You've got legs like a pretzel stick and a waist like an hourglass! I'd be pressed to find any meat on you."

Miku snorted, not sure whether to be happy or offended that her brother wouldn't consent to cannibalizing her in a dire situation. "All that aside... I don't think we're going to have a better chance to escape then this."

"Sis, sis, sis..." He uttered in clear exasperation. "I think we just went through this okay? 'There is no where to go.' Just relax; chill out for a bit. I mean, maybe it's just me but walking through a gloomy haunted mansion where several horrific murders took place isn't exactly my cup of tea. To be honest, it sorta stresses me out. I'm not ashamed to admit that even I, your _fearless_, _sweet_ and _kind _big brother---"

"I never said you were fearless..." Miku muttered.

"---gets quite unnerved on occasions. So why not just take it easy for a minute, and we wait this thing out. Come on, those ghost's are gonna have to go for a toilet break... or something at some point. Then, we'll figure something out. But for now, I think we should just sit about and wait."

"And what do you suggest we do whilst we wait?" His sister hissed acidly. "Play with the dollies?"

Mafuyu shrugged. "If it helps."

Miku gave a derisive snort that clearly displayed her thoughts on the matter and stalked across the room to one of the candles. She ran her fingers through the flame and then held them up to gaze at the black mark on her fingers. Her eyes grazed on the rope marks encircling her wrists, and she thought too of the ones now adorning her ankles as well.

Only one to go and then... and then... Damn it just didn't bear thinking about.

Miku looked over at Mafuyu, who sat there happily cross-legged on the floor whistling away like a trip to a haunted house, was just an annual family holiday. It was all right for him. Kirie wasn't slapping rope marks on his body because she had the hot's for him. The only thing she wanted to slap on his body was her own. Regardless of what he said, Miku seriously doubted that he wasn't enjoying the attention of some creepy chick stalking him about non-stop. It was really only a prelude of things to come as soon as the game hit the shelves.

A knock sounded at the door.

"Nobody's home!" Miku bellowed spinning one of the dolls around on her fingers. Mafuyu looked up from what he was doing.

"Little kids, little kids let me come in." Came Long Arms voice from behind the door. Miku scowled and tossed the doll from hand to hand.

"Not by the hairs of our chinny, chin-chins."

" I resent that." Mafuyu piped up from the corner. "I'm neatly shaven. All bishounen's on games are, it's like a rule or something. Didn't you see Auron's armpits in Final Fantasy X? Puh-lease..."

Miku sweatdropped. "That's... really beside the point Muf."

"Then I'll stick this hose through the window and flood the room out!" The voice cackled from outside. Miku face faulted. 

"Wait a second.... that's not rig—" Her eyes bulged and she ran over to Mafuyu and started tugging on his arm like a bicep clinging wench. "We gotta go! They're gonna flood the room!!"

Mafuyu still refused to look up from what he was doing. "Miku... the rooms not airtight. There are great stinking holes in the floor, not to mention the gap between the walls that lead into the other room and what not. Give it a rest, they can't flood the room out."

Miku stopped freaking out like an orange about to burst. "Oh. Well that's good then."

"We have to show them we will not be intimidated!" Mafuyu boomed, raising one fist into the air, causing the muscles in his chest to ripple. All of a sudden, he has muscle. I know, it's amazing. "We must fight to live!"

"YES!" Miku yelled, getting excited. Not that way, don't be sick. _I'm _the only sicko allowed around here.

"We must... PLAY THE BANJO!!!" Mafuyu held the banjo he had made up high, like it was Gabrielle's Horn from Heaven. It was made of wood and hair from the Rope Shrine Maiden doll, which now resembled Vin Diesel, only slightly more feminine. Amazingly enough, the banjo looked pretty good and as Mafuyu played it, it sounded all right too. 

"_Thanks you've been fuel for thought, now I'm more lonely then before. But that's okay, I've just been and made another stupid love song!"_

It was a shame to say that whilst the banjo sang beautifully, Mafuyu did not. His voice rose and fell to the symphony of a dying cat on a fence. A dying cat on a fence that had been poisoned and had a bellyache. Even this is giving Muffy way too much credit. Miku wondered whether it was the 'stress' from being in the house, until she remembered him singing in the shower and realized that there was only one real curse at play here. The curse of a family that couldn't carry a tune in a wheelbarrow. 

"Mafuyu!" She whined, clamping her hands down over her ears and staggering around. He couldn't hear her over the 'tender' sound of his own voice. Miku groaned and hid under the table, watching the water slosh though the gap in the window and cascade down harmlessly through the gaping holes in the floor. Suddenly she wished she was out there with the ghost's...

"We need more water!!" Long Arm's yelled, waving one extended appendage at Wandering Man who was standing at the far side of the flooded room. Long Hair, who floated precariously above the board in the middle, spoke to him before turning back to Long Arms. 

"We're running out of water in the flooded room!" She exclaimed, gesturing to the door. "Wandering man says he's going to have to extend the pipe to the well."

Running Kid, nursing a badly bruised arm and several cracked ribs looked up fearfully. "The Well... the well..."

"Now don't you start that creepy chanting Sadako shit again Mr or you'll be grounded for a week." Bonded said, trying to point a finger at him and failing abysmally. "That editor chap over did that to death, 'scuse the pun, with the ropes. _The ropes... the ropes..." _He mocked, doing a zombie like impression of Koji Ogata when he came after Miku. The ghost's all laughed. Bonded rolled his eyes as he floated over to the flooded room door. "As if that guy had anything to complain about. He got off easy compared to the rest of us."

"Bondage."

"Shaddup."

As the wraiths all headed off to assist with the tremendous task of moving the pipe, a terrible screeching noise halted them in their levitational steps. It was horrendous, as terrible as the cries of Hellhounds and Kirie's Angry Chick music all rolled into one. The ghost's dropped to their knees, squirming in anguish; desperately trying to cover their ears with mutilated appendages and what not. This was of course grossly unfair to Girls Head and Bonded Man who had little choice but to allow their craniums to be squeezed between Long Arm's elbows.

"What is that... dreadful noise?!" Blind screamed, running around in circles, phasing through poles she would have otherwise run into. Crawling Girl howled in reply.

"It's awful!" Floating Woman sobbed as the sound reverberated around them. "I've never heard anything like it! It makes Kirie's music sound like a sweet, sweet melody!"

Blind was eventually forced to the ground, where she rolled around in tormented pain amongst the others. 

"Blind... Why did I have to be blind? Why couldn't I have been deaf instead?" She moaned.

Forgotten by the ghost's, the hose had continued to suck up water until the room had been completely emptied of H2O. With nothing else to draw upon, the hose began inhaling the muddy remnants at the bottom of the room."

Miku couldn't believe what she was hearing. It sounded like the ghost's were... well dying! Not that she could blame them. When it came to Mafuyu's singing, death seemed like a welcome release. Their hearing must have been extra sensitive, so much so that Mafuyu's horrendous tones were killing them!! She turned to her out of tune big brother happily and gave him a kiss on the cheek.

Muf you're a genius! Come on!!"

She hurled him to his feet before he could get another verse of The Titanic Love Theme out and dragged him toward the door. As she heaved the huge crucifix out of the way, a large funnel of mud burst from the hose spraying the entire room with filth. Mafuyu took the brunt of the mudding; it swept across him like a wave of obsessive fangirls.

"AAAAAAHHHHH!!" He screamed, beating at the mud with his banjo, like a rock star at a failed concert. The instrument whined and irked painfully with each slap to the spiral.

Miku watched from the doorway, wondering why her brother didn't have the common sense to move away from the center of the room were the mud was aimed. Then she remembered that common sense was a recessive gene in her family and sighed, making her way over to save his ass as per usual. Wading through the mud, she grabbed him by the arm and dragged him away even as he continued to slap at the mud like a little kid who had lost a fight.

"Come on let's go. The ghost's are down so this is our chance to-" 

The door swung open, (not that they needed to open it, being ghost's and all, but no one said they were smart evil spirits!) and the wraiths glared in at them, fire in their eyes and sharp objects in their hands. Blind staggered through the wall to the left of them and disappeared through the opposing wall, blundering off to God knows where.

"Get them!" Bonded commanded, trying to pose heroically. He only managed to look like a Barbie Doll dipped in starch. 

"Mafuyu! Sing something!" Miku hissed to her tone-deaf brother, who was hiding behind her. He peeped cautiously over her shoulder and cleared his throat.

" ... *Ahem* ... _Loving you, is easy cause you're beautiful?_" He sang quietly, his voice trembling. Miku slapped her forehead. Why was it now when their lives depended on it, did he have to sing in tune? He truly was hopeless. If he wasn't the one who paid the rent for their house, she doubted she would even have come out here to rescue him at all.

All the female ghost's (and Wandering Man) blushed symotaneously and touched their cheeks. In the background, Blind staggered through the wall and disappeared though the adjacent one.

"Oh! That's so... sweet!" Girls Head cooed, flicking her hair femininely. Floating Woman glared at her.

"He was talking to me, you skank!" She snapped, putting her hands on her hips. "I've got a better body then you!"

"You do not!" Girls Head cried, wishing she had her body there to back it up. Long Hair laughed broadly.

"The last thing this boy needs is a Floater and a 'Lil' bit of head' ladies. You've both got it wrong. It was _me _he was talking to." She bragged, running a hand through her long straight black hair. Long Arm's sulked openly in the background.

Girls Head narrowed her eyes and dove for Long Hair. "It was me you whore! Who would think you're beautiful?! You can't even see your face!"

Broken neck, decided to get it on the action and picked up an old board, swinging it in a wide arc and hitting the head for a home run.

"That may be so, but at least you can see more then her face." She taunted nastily. Girl's head screeched in rage and went for her, but Floating Woman came to her defense instead.

"You're a fine one to talk about heads, Miss Linda Blaire." She snapped, prodding the girl in the chest with one sharp finger. "If I had a face like yours I would have jumped off of the Moon Observatory too. Only the result of that obviously didn't help your complexion one bit now, did it?"

This was too much for our Broken necked babe, who as calmly as someone who has just been hideously insulted can do, started whacking the shit out of Floating Woman with the plank. Girl's Head raced to her friend's aid, biting and tearing at Broken Neck's hairline with a ferocity canny to that of NaPap when somebody gets between her and a cardboard cutout of Mafuyu. To counter the attack, Long Hair started bashing Broken Neck's head against one of the altar's trying to shake GH loose. Crawling Girl, seeing no one else between her and Mafuyu started worming her way towards him. Unfortunately for her, it was at that moment Blind decided to make her reappearance, bursting through the wall and tripping over the hoard of cat fighting lassies to land on the Girl with a loud CRASH.

"As if I'm not flat enough as it is..." Crawling Girl moaned as Blind thrashed about, unsure as to whether she was still standing or not. Miku seized her chance and grabbed her brother's arm.

"Come on! Let's go while their distracted!!"

Mafuyu, far too overcome by his own masculine charm was easily tugged towards the door; grinning dreamily at the thought of all the female fans he would have once the game came out. If he had seen NaPap he may not have been so excited about this prospect.

"Quick! Quick! They're getting away!!" Bonded Man yelled as our two hunky hero's sauntered out the door. Miku reached out and shoved him over as she passed, leaving the wraith flipping around on the floor like a fish out of water. "Help! Help!! I can't get up!!"

As Running Kid and Wandering Man, doubled over at the sight before them, Long Arm's took it unto himself to try and stop M and M. 

"C'mere you two!!" He growled, reaching for them as they hurried past. Faster then a snake strike, Mafuyu spun on his heel, placed one hand on his chest, flung the other one out and let loose with an amazing soprano pitch. It was so high in fact, that all the bullet proof windows in the mansion burst, (annoying the game designer's I might add, who had worked so hard to make sure that the windows would not double as an accessible escape route) the floor's rumbled, the beams fell from the ceiling and Long Arm's head exploded. I did not make that last part up.

Mafuyu opened his eyes and looked around proudly at the devastation he had caused. Hey, didn't anyone wonder why the mansion would suddenly shake in the rubble room or why the rubble room itself came to be the way it was? Well now you know. Miku smiled also, for she just so happened to have a pink pair of earmuffs in her pocket. The fur had turned gray now of course but luckily enough Miku's hair had not. She was happy. The reader's were happy. The author was happy. Everyone was happy.

Except for Long Arm's of course who was subtracted a head. The game designers weren't exactly chipper either but they're the silly ones who came up with the idea of installing unbreakable windows in a haunted mansion so 'Ha' to them.

"Great... now I'm fucking blind too." Long Arm's voice grumbled from somewhere in his neck. Bonded Man, who had somehow managed to scramble to his feet, stared at him in shock.

"I beg your pardon?"

Long Arm's groaned. "I said; 'Great... now I'm fucking blind too."

Bonded Man bloated up like a pompous parrot and clenched his roped fists.

"You're what?!" LA went to repeat his previous statement but BM beat him to it. "You're fucking Blind?! How could you?! You know she's my wife!!!"

Long Arm's tried to correct him but it was far too late for that. Bonded had leapt on top of him and was now jumping up and down on the barely visible cadaver like a kid on a trampoline.

Running Kid and Wandering Man looked at all the ghost's fighting, shrugged, then leapt at each other fists flying. Miku and Mafuyu looked on in astonishment.

"So this is why ghost's don't attack in groups..." Mafuyu said thoughtfully. Miku could only nod in reply.

There was a sudden crackling noise from nowhere and Miku found her brother immediately stapled to her side like a frightened child in a horror flick. Mafuyu's teeth were rattling in time with the over the top shudders of his body. Miku whacked him in the head.

"Stop that you idiot. It's only the intercom system."

Mafuyu sweatdropped. "Why should that be normal in a house like this?"

The crackling noise went on for a minute more and then a woman's voice slowly came through amongst the static, clearing her throat.

"Testing 1-2... Testing.... testing, testing... testing... Toast... Testicles on toast... testing... testing..." Said the woman, pausing obviously to tap the microphone. Mafuyu let go of Miku's waist, to put his hands on his hips and glare at the little speaker in the corner.

"That is terrible use of the English language!" He scolded; not stopping to realize that they were all Japanese anyway so what he said didn't actually make sense. Still, he looked kind of sexy with that stern look on his face and therefore got away with it. It's good to be some people, huh?

"This is Big Brother--- I mean, uh... Kirie." The woman stopped to allow one of her hands to slap her forehead. "Bring Mafuyu to my room in the next five minutes or I will crush you with this mansion." She paused again and then leaned way too close to the microphone. "Over and out."

Mafuyu looked over at Miku sarcastically. "And just how is she going to crush us with the mansion I wonder? Does she have the place rigged with 200 sticks of dynamite or something?"

"I wouldn't be cocky. I mean, look at what that mouse did on _Mouse Hunt_! You just never know..." She shrugged and then struck a somewhat heroic pose, where the fanboys got a good glimpse up her skirt. Much drooling ensured. "Listen. We've got **5 minutes **to get out of this mansion. Starting from..." She waited until the timer had appeared in the corner and the seconds had started to tick over. "—NOW!! LET'S GO!!"

"But what about the front door?" Mafuyu h-wankily h-whined as he ran after Miku at the agonizingly slow speed that they had been designed with. He got no response.

Anyway, don't ask me how cause this author don't know, our two pretty protagonists's made it to the front door in four minutes. Miku hurled herself at it and pulled and pulled and pulled and pulled and pulled. Vein's popped out all over her face and sweat dripped from her forehead but still the door stubbornly refused to budge. What a little bastard.

"I can't open it!!" She screeched, digging her feet into the floor and pushing with all her strength. "It's sealed by some powerful force!"

"Uh... like the door latch?" Mafuyu suggested, flipping the metallic catch out of its hook. The door slid open easily and Miku fell on her butt.

"Oof!" She cried, blushing crimson as her brother looked at her as though she was completely retarded.

"Is _that _the reason you couldn't get out before?" He asked raising a well-plucked eyebrow. Miku scowled in reply and scrambled to her feet.

__

Two fangirls named randomly Hadass and Shenai, skulked about outside Himuro mansion's front door, trying to figure out how to get in.

"The door appears to be locked." Hadass said after pulling at it for ten minutes. Shenai thrust out her flat chest and put her hands on her hips.

"Let me try!"

Hadass rolled her eyes and moved to the side so her skinny stick person friend could grasp a hold of the door handle. Shenai rolled up her sleeves, grasped the bar and tugged until her arms nearly popped out of joint.

"Uh... heave!!" She cried, vein popping, sweat dropping and face faulting. "Heave, heave—HEAVE!!"

As Shenai sobbed and carried on and Hadass fell to the ground in laughter, the door suddenly slid into the wall sending the blonde bint flying sideways.

"Wow..." Shenai exclaimed brushing off the seat of her pants as she stood up. "I'm so strong!"

Both fangirls bounced on over to the door and were about to enter the mysterious building when a tall dirt covered figure loomed from the darkness within. It's face was streaked with mud and it's body slick with filth. It staggered toward them, hands outstretched.

"AAAHHH!! It's MUDMAN!!" Shenai screamed, leaping into Hadass's arms. Both girls shrieked in fear and ran off into the woods, tripping over logs and running into trees. 

Mafuyu stared after the two girls in confusion. What was their problem? Who the hell was Mudman?

"Last time I offer a hug to some fangirls..." He grumbled, brushing off his dirty sleeves as Miku came up behind him. She took a quick glance at the timer in the corner and nearly shit her skirt.

"5 seconds left!" The scene reverted to slow motion. "JUMP!!!"

Mafuyu and Miku ran for the stairs, much like the escape scene in Shrek although without a dragon hot on their heels. The two siblings cried out in loud booming voices as they leapt from the top of the stairwell (simply for dramatic value) as the mansion exploded behind them, sending debris catapulting into the sky. Miku landed hard as the time sped back to normal and let out a large 'OOF!' as Mafuyu landed on top of her. The camera turned back to focus on the mansion, which by now resembled little more then, a flattened cardboard box.

"GET OFF!" Miku screeched, whacking at her poor inert brother with the camera. Mafuyu groaned in response and staggered to his feet, thinking to himself that no other girl would be complaining with him on top of them. But that's because Muffy is such a modest young chap if anything.

"Well..." He said after Miku was standing and dusting her little skirt off. "Guess that's that then."

Miku scowled. "Yeah and next time your stupid mentor goes off to spend a few nights in a haunted mansion where several horrific murders happened and you feel compelled to go find him, don't expect me to come and save your sorry ass again!"

Mafuyu sneered back. "Oh yeah?! Did I ask you to come looking for me? Why all you did was gasp, scream, take some photos, mince about in a tiny skirt and say my name a lot. _Any _fangirl could do that!"

"Well thank God! Now I know who to send after you next time you decide to go and play 'Damsel in distress', because I am never going ANYWHERE with gloomy, haunted, mansion, murder or Himuro in the blurb with YOU ever AGAIN!" 

"Well that's just fine with me!" Mafuyu snapped, nodding firmly. "You were so boring anyway. And you don't even know how to relax."

"At least I didn't drop the camera and get myself captured by some dreary alternative wench in a white kimono! Your masculinity needs some serious reassessing methinks, SIS!"

Mafuyu fumed. "Well when you put it like that, I'm really glad that the two of us won't be doing anymore haunted adventure's together! Especially if that's the way you're going to speak to your BIG BROTHER who loves you and feeds you and sends you off to college and gives up hours of sex time with a googolplex of fangirls/fanboys just to be with you, then we're better off apart!"

"Too right!" Miku yelled, vein popping all over the place. "I won't miss you for a second!"

"Ditto!"

And so with that, the two siblings then turned on each other in unison, tossed their hair like Prima Dona's (it was hard to say who did so more femininely) and stalked off in different directions. Neither was the right way. Mafuyu was heading in the direction of the swamp, whilst Miku trundled off towards the woods.

Five seconds later they came charging back and threw their arms around each other.

"Miku!!" Cried Mafuyu.

"Mafuyu!" Cried Miku.

They hugged, almost killing each other with the strength of their arms.

"I missed you so much!" Mafuyu sobbed, cuddling Miku like she was an overly large teddy bear in a mini-skirt. "Let's never be apart again! *Kiss, kiss* Love you so much... *Snuggle, snuggle* Let's be a family again... *Smoochy, woochy mushy fluff stuff*--"

Miku gave him a good slap. "Come on man snap out of it!"

For a while the two Hinasaki's simply stood side by side, staring at the destroyed mansion, rocking back and forth on their heels, Mafuyu massaging his bruised jaw. Finally he spoke.

"Hey Miku?"

"Ya?"

"Now that we're done with Fatal Frame..."

"Uh huh?"

"... wanna try out for the two main parts in Crimson Butterfly?"

"You're on."

And so with that, M and M danced off in the cars general direction, holding hands and quoting random horror movie lines that would no doubt assist them in scoring parts in the newest addition to Wannado's horror collection. They scored the leads too; even though both are girls Mafuyu didn't mind dressing up in a skirt since he didn't get to in the first game. Miku was a little embarrassed by this, but since no one could tell that he was a guy anyway she eventually decided that there was no harm done. Only after shooting did she threaten to disown him if he refused to take the skirt off.

_Meanwhile..._

Amongst the rubble all the female ghosts continued to quarrel, not noticing that the object of their fancy had long since vacated the premises.

"Hey guys... he's gone!" Girls Head finally noticed, pausing her biting rampage. All the ladies stood up, chattering in annoyance whilst the male ghost's simply wandered off to get themselves a beer. Kirie stood in the foreground and tried to maintain self-control. She failed.

"Oh SHIT!"

Note: There we go! Just a very silly little spoof I did during a class once. If you liked please review and if you didn't, please flame. ...Actually don't, I don't like flammies. They burn...


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